Shattered Resolve
by Reidluver
Summary: SPOILERS for 353 As Ichigo tries to come to terms with what happened to Ishida during the battle with Ulquiorra, how will he find the strength to continue fighting? Genfic


**And so begins my second Bleach fanfic! Yay! For those of you who have read **Close Encounters of a Strange Kind** I promise that I've already got an idea for the next chapter and I've written about a paragraph so it should be out soon. Matsumoto is the next one up and Ichigo sees it as a chance to get Hitsugaya back to earth, but when the opportunity arises ****what's preventing him from achieving it?**

**Anyway, this is total Ichigo angst from the most recent Bleach chapter 353. For those who haven't read it yet this might be a bit of a spoiler. I'm busy with studying for finals at the moment, but I need to get this story out before the next chapter so people don't think that I'm copying Kubo if what I think happens will happen. I hope it happens though**—**because Ishida has just been neglected by Inoue for these past few chapters and it's pissing me off because Ishida is my second favorite character. **

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

Ichigo and Inoue simply stared at the spot where Ulquiorra dissipated, unable to believe that the battle had finished in that fashion—unable to believe it was over. Only when they heard someone collapse behind them were they brought out of their trance.

"Ishida!" Inoue and Ichigo rushed to his side. The Quincy was lying face down with a small puddle of blood underneath him. Ichigo carefully turned him over and laid him against the closest, upturned cement block. Ishida's glasses were scratched, his Quincy uniform was torn, and a large section of his torso was already soaked in blood. It was then that Ichigo noticed the missing hand.

"Did I do that?" he asked in horror.

Ishida blinked slowly and followed where Ichigo was looking and shook his head slowly. "N-no."

"I . . . Ishida I—I'm so sorry—"

"N-not your . . . not your fault, Kur-Kurosaki . . . " Ishida fainted and there was complete silence for a few moments as Ichigo clenched his fists angrily.

"Kurosaki-kun," Inoue said slowly. "I need you to move back so I can heal him."

"Right." Ichigo spared a second to look back at his friend before giving Inoue enough room to use her power.

"_Souten Kisshun!_" Only the low hum of the healing shield could be heard for a few minutes and Inoue worked hard to heal Ishida.

"Oi," Ichigo said as he watched Ishida's hand slowly reform. "Tell me what happened."

"Eh?" Inoue knew he was going to ask sooner or later, but all the same she wished he didn't.

"You heard me." Inoue sighed and bit her lip.

"A little while after you left I knew something was wrong and I begged Ishida to bring me to where you were," she began, keeping her eyes on Ishida. "When we arrived you . . . y-you had a hole in your chest," (a few tears fell down her cheeks) "a-and Ulquiorra was going to kill me but Ishida . . . Ishida fought him. I-I ran to you and tried . . . tried to save you but nothing was working."

She swallowed hard and clenched her fists. "T-then Ishida appeared next to me . . . w-without his . . . his left hand. He _told_ me not to worry and I believed him! I was just—you . . . you were dead and I couldn't think straight."

"Then Ulquiorra was about t-to . . . kill him and you looked . . . " She stopped and turned to Ichigo. "You turned into some sort of Arrancar."

Ichigo's eyes widened in surprise. _An Arrancar? How is that even possible?!_

Inoue shifted her attention back to Ishida. "And then you fought him and were winning. It wasn't _you_ though . . . you weren't in the right state of mind. We thought Ulquiorra was dead and . . . and you were a-about to cut off his h-head or something . . . and Ishida stopped you. H-he said if you did that . . . you wouldn't be human anymore."

"Th-that was when . . . was when—"

"It's okay, Inoue," Ichigo said. He didn't want to have her say those words.

_I stabbed him. I ran my zanpakuto through one of my best friends. I almost killed him._

Ichigo buried his head in his hands. No matter how insistent Ishida would be that it wasn't his fault, Ichigo knew that he would carry the blame with him for the rest of his life. His whole purpose for fighting, nearly his whole reason for _existence_ it seemed like—was to protect those who were precious to him. There had been some close calls, such as his inability to protect Inoue, Chad, and Tatsuki from Yammy that one time—but this was different.

He glanced at his right hand. _I almost murdered my friend with this hand. _In a slight panic he quickly wiped it on what was left of his kimono as if his actions left a mark. His gaze shifted to Zangetsu lying abandoned on the ground, and he wondered for a moment if it would ever feel the same way in his hands again.

When he was unable to protect his friends, the diagnosis was to get stronger so next time he would be able to protect them. But what was the diagnosis for when his strength was the problem?

There was one thing that was bugging him though. And he was sure he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Inoue?"

"Yes, Kurosaki-kun?" She turned to him and gave him a slight smile, as if trying to lighten the mood like she always did.

"I . . . I did something else after—after that, didn't I?" His hunch was proven correct when Inoue's smile fell.

"N-no you didn't! You just—"

"No! Tell me the truth!" Ichigo closed his eyes painfully and then opened them, gazing at Ishida once more. "If I was able to do that to him, then that means that—in that state—I would have not rested until the job was done. Now—what did I do?"

Inoue opened her mouth but no sound came out, and then she bowed her head and cried, "Y-you . . . you would have used a cero against him."

_Cero?!_

"Ulquiorra stopped you before anything happened though!" she said quickly.

_I was able to create a cero? I must have turned into some sort of Arrancar then,_ Ichigo decided. He stood up. "Inoue—stay here with Ishida. I'll send Unohana or someone else after you to help carry him."

"B-but what are you—"

"The battle is still going on," Ichigo said quietly. "There may not be anyone else to really fight in Hueco Mundo, but everyone else is fighting to protect Karakura and I must join them."

"I still need to heal you—"

"I'm fine. I just need to get going." Ichigo walked over to his fallen zanpakuto and picked it up.

* * *

To his surprise he found himself in his familiar mindscape with Zangetsu in front of him.

"Oi!" he called out angrily. "Now is not the time! I've got to go join the other fight!"

"With your current emotional state? Not a chance," Zangetsu scolded.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about! This doubt you're feeling—the feeling that you won't ever be able to wield me properly again." Ichigo averted his eyes, knowing Zangetsu's words were true. _Why did the old man always have to be right?_

"If you tried to fight the way you are now, then your Hollow half would take over in a matter of minutes."

"_I don't see any problem with that!_"

Ichigo spun around to find the very last person he wanted to see.

"_Admit it King_—_you wouldn't have beaten that batty teme without my help!_" Hichigo slung an arm around Ichigo playfully. "_And if you let me take over from here, I'll be sure to run Zangetsu through ol' Aizen's neck and you'll be able to keep his head as a consolation prize!_"

"Not interested," Ichigo spat as he wrenched himself out of Hichigo's grip. "I'll do fine on my own."

"_Sure didn't look that way where I was standing,_" the Hollow smirked. "_If you were unable to beat a level four Espada without my help_—_how are you gonna win against Aizen?_"

"Ichigo," Zangetsu cut in. "If you don't want him to take over, then you need to regain your confidence."

"What confidence?!" Ichigo yelled. "Everyone's told me that I've just got to get stronger—just a little _stronger_ and then everything will be all right! Well, I got stronger and look where that lead me! I almost killed Ishida!"

"You think that it was because you were too _powerful_ that you almost killed your friend?" Zangetsu asked, seemingly affronted.

"Sure looks that way doesn't it?"

"I must ask you to look past those petty emotions of guilt and self-pity to see the true answer." Zangetsu slowly encircled the boy. "What exactly happened to lead you to this belief?"

Ichigo was incredibly confused and felt his patience deteriorating. "You saw what happened! I gained the abilities of an Arrancar and nearly skewered and roasted him to death!"

"Are those your normal abilities?"

"Of course not!"

"Yet you think that because they are stronger, then it was your strength that failed you."

"Yes!"

"I'm asking you to think here!" Zangetsu said angrily. "Use that head of yours to understand!"

Ichigo frowned, his previous anger replaced by sheer confusion. "What are you . . . "

"Is it in your nature to be a ruthless killing machine?" Zangetsu prodded.

"No."

"So why do you believe that it was _your strength_ that failed you?" Ichigo pondered for a few moments before it hit him. Zangetsu nodded happily as he noticed his charge finally understand.

"It was your _lack _of strength that failed you—your inability to fight back the Hollow inside that nearly killed your friend."

"Thank you, Zangetsu," Ichigo said. He turned to his Hollow self and smirked. "I'll become stronger so I won't need your _assistance_," he promised.

Hichigo scowled and then walked past Ichigo, pausing to hiss in his ear, "_We'll just see about that._"

* * *

"Kurosaki-kun?" Ichigo blinked, finding himself back in Hueco Mundo. He turned to face Inoue who was staring at him in concern. "Are you all right?"

"Eh? Oh—yes . . . yes I promise, Inoue." At his smile Inoue visibly relaxed. Ichigo tightened his grip on Zangetsu and glanced at Ishida.

"When he wakes up, can you tell him that I promise to be strong enough not to let the Hollow take over anymore?"

* * *

**Well, what did you think? I hope you like it, and I'm hoping that something similar to this happens in the manga! Have a great day.**


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